Amy

since last saturday i have had only 1 cigarette.
go me.
my new goal is to be a runner -- and it's so much easier to run when i don't smoke.
so now i just need the weather to co-operate and i'm good to go.

There's something about days like today -- when the sun is shining so brightly I make up some stupid excuse to spend time outside and once I'm out there I can't stop smiling.
I went for a great thinking walk this afternoon. Random thoughts flew through my head -- am I making the right decisions about my future? What I would do if I won the lottery -- buy a house, a car, travel... Where would I travel? Everywhere. Venice, Athens, London, LA, Rome... Would I keep a job? Would I start writing again? When did I stop? What would it take to inspire me again?

I would do things so much differently if I were to do it again now.

My package still hasn't arrived at the school. In fact, by drive it's still about 6 hours away. And they guaranteed it by noon tomorrow.
It better fucking be there.

So. I decided to check the Canada Post website today to make sure my applications were all delivered to the universities. There was a confirmation for York, but for Ottawa U the last note was "ON TRUCK FOR DELIVERY". That was on November 21st. I tried to call them, but they were closed, so my sister and her husband took me to the post office.

Guess what the lady at the counter told me?

She has no idea where my package is, but it definitely didn't get delivered.
Awesome. It has to be there by Friday at 4:30pm or I am SOL. Late applications are not accepted for any reason. I purposely sent this almost 2 weeks early to avoid any of these stupid mail-delay issues. GRRR.

It's not like it's my first choice of university, but it's my SAFE choice, the one I'm not positive I'll get into but I feel like I have a a fairly good chance of getting into.

I spent $18 sending it by Priority Courier. They better reimburse me for this -- I wouldn't have had to send it by Priority if they hadn't fucked up.


Yeah.

I had a really nasty migraine last night. It took me hours to fall asleep and I woke up from the pain at 6:30am, then it took me another hour and a half to fall asleep again. I don't get them very often and I forgot how bad they were. Medicine didn't help. The ice pack I kept sticking on my face would help for a few seconds, but not long.
:/. I think it was a result of the ridiculous stress I've been feeling the last few months. I'm finally done all my teachers college applications, I finished my Shakespeare essay, I mailed everything off and now I just have to find a job. My head feels much better today but I'm scared to go to bed tonight ... I so couldn't take that a second night in a row.

Oh yeah, I had a job interview today. There were eleven people there. They had us all go in at the same time. They explained the job and pay to us and then asked each person 3 questions. Then we left. It was retarded. RE-FUCKING-TARDED. First off, the ad in the paper said $630 per week plus bonuses and profit sharing. That was so not the case. It's $10/hour plus bonuses and profit sharing and it's 32.5hours a week. That's $325/week.

GRRR. I can handle a job that sucks. What I can't handle is this group interview nonsense and the lying the the ads. That's not the first time. Tell me up-front what you want from me and I'll be a lot more likely to do it, you know?
I hate these places that don't screen resumes first, that just 'invite' every asshole that calls in for an interview. I have another one on Friday. It apparently pays $25/hour. Let's see how that goes ...

the essay needs to be 1500-2000 words and i'm at 1301. not bad.
but i think 1500-2000 isn't supposed to include the citations and quotations and stuff, which means i actually have an awful lot less than that.
but whatever.
i have to finish it by tomorrow because it's got to be on its way to the university by tomorrow night ... tuesday morning at the very latest.
i can't wait until this is done, this is the worst essay i've ever written. :/

the grunter was back at the gym.
he wasn't as bad today, but i still hate him.

kids are crazy on indoor recess days.
EGH. what a day. i'm exhausted. AGAIN. but i'm trying to avoid a nap so maybe i can get to bed at a decent time tonight. i returned a phone call at 9:30 last night, figuring i'd be asleep by 10pm, and instead i didn't end up off the phone til after 11. and now i have plans for saturday.

i'm not a plans girl. they either fall through, or i end up not wanting to do what i planned to do .... oh well.
i should go to the gym. day one of diet ended up not being quite as good as it was when i posted yesterday. i'm starving. but only because i'm thinking about how i shouldn't be eating.
BAH
i need to go do some work.

i took today off from my non-paying job to work on that stupid shakespeare essay. it's 6:30pm and i've read half of a coles notes book. that's it. read half of it and stuck some little arrow stickers on parts i want to go back to.
fuck. i was hoping to #1 - get some fabulous ideas and #2 - start writing them down.

can't help that i slept til noon and forced myself to go to the gym this afternoon ... i hate feeling this overwhelmed. i need to get my school applications mailed off so i can focus on this essay and and catch up on my lectures and just calm down.
i guess any progress is good, even if i had hoped to do more ...


though my academic life isn't going quite as well as planned, diet day #1 is going pretty well. i went to the gym and did some lower body and ab work, then went for a short run. i've managed to stay away from pizza and ice cream today. woo! i've been thinking about going back to weight watchers, but i can't justify the cost right now. i think i'm about 10lbs above my goal weight (i've kept off 90 of the 100 i lost), and at WW i can only be 2 lbs above my goal or i have to pay. so maybe i can do this on my own and go back to the meetings once i'm back at goal.
ERRG

today was better than yesterday, but i took another nap after school and it was probably a bad idea. i woke up an hour later than planned and was unable to get any words out for a good 20 minutes. i pretended to do a little bit of work, then went to the gym.
there was this guy there, and no matter what kind of weight he was lifting, he was making these stupid fucking breathing noises and it made me pretty angry. i understand the occasional weird exhale when you've done a few reps and you're using a really heavy weight, but to start out going "oooh, eeeh, oooh, eeeh". i definitely considered throwing a 15lb dumbbell at him but then decided i didn't really feel like going to jail so instead i just breathed. silently.

man. i forgot how mad i was about that til just now. it was REALLY annoying.

i'm almost done my teacher's college applications. i so need them edited more but i'm sick of looking at them. the teacher i volunteer with said he'd look at them, but he won't be able to do it til friday and i want to mail them out on friday. i'm sick of looking at them and want to make sure they get to the schools in time.
anyway, i'm exhausted again ... gonna go to bed so i can get up and work on these some more. oh, and maybe start my shakespeare essay.